Диагноз – горе

Смерть всегда приходит внезапно, даже если готовишься и ждешь ее. Настигнувшее горе, как гласит мудрость, можно только пройти, а обойти его, перепрыгнуть или проползти под ним невозможно. Как же справиться с утратой? Важно знать, что любой стресс, который неизбежно доставляет нам смерть близких, со временем проходит. Рана сама затягивается, и, чтобы это заживление шло правильно, нужно время и, главное – «держать рану открытой», иначе боль может перерасти в устойчивую депрессию. И пока это состояние боли не изживешь, пока не отболит все до донышка, владеть собой не удастся.

Первая стадия переживаний после утраты близкого человека – конечно, шок. Но любую эмоцию надо не только пережить, но и обязательно выплеснуть. В противном случае человеку грозит глубокий невроз. При этом диагностика стресса будет такова: одиночество, потеря смысла жизни, неизбывное чувство вины. Это очень трудный путь, и как доказывает психотерапия кризисных состояний, нет ничего хуже невыплаканных слез…

Представьте себе старенький паровоз: если пар скапливается, и ему некуда выходить, то ломается весь механизм (а то и вовсе взрывается). Так и горе – если сдерживать слезы, они могут не только надломить нас, но и разом прорваться, да только совсем не там и совсем не в том направлении.

В старые времена даже были специальные народные традиции плача. Эти надрывные песни-причитания как бы воссоздавали физическое пространство боли, куда уходила шоковая реакция, вызванная смертью близких. Сегодня такие плачи уже забыты, и очень зря – это была замечательное самолечение стресса, очень ощутимо смягчающее боль.

Для русской культуры характерны и песни-плачи, в которых умерший человек отождествляется с природой. Они представляют собой мощный приток некого особого состояния – пусть и нерационального, но все же понимания таинства смерти. Понимания, принятия и дальнейшего примирения.

Если диагноз – «горе», то какое может быть лекарство? Кто скажет, как пережить смерть близкого человека? И к кому вообще обратиться? К врачу, другу, а может, священнику? Но знаете – по большому счету, это и не имеет значения, ведь каждый обладает личным пространством, и страдающему от утраты важно в него погрузиться.

Диагноз – гореЛечение стресса от утраты близких чем-то напоминает взлеты и опускания на «качелях страдания» – они все время в движении, и остановиться могут только по прошествии времени. Здесь нельзя ни ускорить, ни притормозить их ход. Нужно просто довериться течению жизни, и она все сделает сама.

Самое интересное, что если переживать горе, так сказать, конструктивно (то есть, страдая открытой душой), то оно превращается в богатейший духовный опыт. Встречаются люди, уверенные, что вместе с болью из них выходит и все дурное. И такие люди никогда не станут залечивать свою боль медикаментами или чем-то другим.

А некоторые страждущие намеренно продлевают движение «качелей страдания». Таким образом они стремятся как-то наказать самих себя, пытаются заглушить чувство вины перед умершим. И тогда лучше, конечно, обратиться к психотерапевту.

Но в любом случае, боль и страдания (если человек открывается для них, как для очищения), становятся неким искуплением. При этом сама боль представляется как предвестник какого-то нового и более возвышенного состояния.

Только очень важно, когда человек находится в состоянии горя, чтобы другой сумел его понять и принять. И это тоже объяснимо: принятие фактически равнозначно сопереживанию. Правда, слушать и сопереживать – это еще нужно уметь, и не все это могут сделать.

Но те, кто на это способен – люди большой души и широкого сердца: они с добром и готовностью берут часть горя на себя. Образно говоря, просто взваливают на свои плечи чужой психологический рюкзак.



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