Время лечит: выбираем стратегию расставания

29 Марта 2013 | 11 Комментарии

Ссора в семьеБоль утраты близкого человека, любви знакома практически каждой женщине. Но время лечит тяжелое переживание. Главное, правильно расстаться, чтобы на душе не осталось неприятного осадка. Есть несколько возможных стратегий расставания, которые позволят выйти из тяжелой ситуации без сильной и долгой боли, обиды и страданий. Главное, не сделать в этом шаге ошибку и отойти в сторону с достоинством. Но прежде чем говорить о видах расставания, посмотрим, что самое сложное в процессе разрыва отношений.

Катексис либидо

Этот сложный психологический термин означает «вложить в другого человека свою душу». До расставания было слияние, сближение, объединение двух разных людей. В период близости двое сливаются, образуя единую систему. Самое сложное в процессе разрыва отношений с любимым человеком – изъять часть вложенной в него души. Именно от того, как будет изъята эта часть – аккуратно или импульсивно, образуется небольшой шрамик, рваная рана или воспалительный и гнойный процесс в душе.

По-хорошему

Разойтись по-хорошему, конечно, очень привлекательный вариант. Время лечит раны и, кажется, что можно было расстаться мирно, оставшись друзьями. Но, кто бы ни был инициатором расставаний, дружба неприемлема. Чаще всего причиной разрыва становится другая любовь. И подавить в себе чувство обиды почти невозможно. Но расставание по-хорошему может стать ловушкой для покинутого сердца, также как и вариант «враги навески».

Вариант №1 – цивилизованное расставание

Под цивилизованным расставанием понимается такое поведение обеих сторон, при котором они не выказывают своих обид, раздражений, а ведут себя спокойно и чинно. Только время лечит, а пока страсти бушуют внутри. Заманчивая картина – ни грубых слов, ни обвинений. Но здесь есть свои подводные камни.

Ловушка

Самый крупный подводный камень цивилизованного расставания – агрессия, которой в процессе расставания просто невозможно избежать. Агрессия нужна, чтобы отвоевать ту часть души, которая была вложена в любимого человечка. Без крови и войны разорвать узы невозможно. Еще один коварный момент – надежда. Может, он оценит свое поведение, что повел себя безрассудно и вернется. Но это только самообман. Лучше не обманывать себя, это только вызовет дополнительную травму в будущем.

Выход

Цивилизованное расставание затягивает болезненный процесс. В результате у женщины может сложиться мнение, что все мужички сво… Время лечит, но не того, кто решил расстаться цивилизованно. Такой человек решает для себя больше не вступать в отношения. И даже время не помогает ему ощутить свободу от прошлого. Совет: лучше не сдерживать свои эмоции и дать агрессии вырваться наружу. Но агрессия должна быть безопасной для себя и бывшего (без применения силы). Можно поругаться, поплакаться и все.

Вариант №2 – бурное расставание

Ссора между супругамиБурный разрыв оставляет в душе рваную рану, которая заживает дольше, чем небольшой разрез. Такой разрыв предполагает драки, суицидные действия и другие военные эпизоды.

Выход

Между двумя крайностями – цивилизованным и бурным расставанием – сложно найти баланс, дать какой-то общий совет, ведь это зависит от особенностей человека. Главное удержаться на середине и не метнуться в одну из двух крайностей.

Расставание №3 – останемся друзьями

Данный вариант расставить все точки над «и» является наиболее коварным. Невозможно из любовников превратиться в друзей. Друзья – это тот же союз, но на новых основаниях. Новый тип отношений невозможен без разрыва старых. Значит, чтобы стать друзьями должно пройти много времени. Бывает, что траур занимает гораздо больше времени, чем предполагалось.

Выход

Год – это минимум, после которого возможна реальная дружба. В течение этого времени нужно постараться воздержаться от любых контактов с бывшим возлюбленным.



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